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;)
When you open the invitation it says:
26 years in the making
Jon and Michael
are to be legally married
Please join them,
along with their children
Rosa, Adam and Madison
as they exchange their
vows.
The rest of the invitation gives all the logistics and how to respond but it was the first part that took me forever to figure out.
Michael and I have been together for 26 years and we have accomplished an awful lot through the decades yet the one thing that has remained just out of reach (although we thought we achieved it in a town called New Paltz, in NY but that's a whole other story) is legal marriage.
Of course, all our accomplishments are other stories and not too long ago we wrote a book about our biggest accomplishment and that is our family and how we put it together legally, even though everyone around us was saying that it would be impossible. Then, before you knew it, we were debating Rev. Fallwell on Larry King while our parents put our babies to sleep!
Back to the issue at hand, the wedding. We have already; registered in CA as domestic partners (at the local UPS Store), have had a Civil Union in VT (at a b&b), a huge (blessed by the Bishop and all) Holy Union in NJ (at the Episcopal Church of Atonement in Fair Lawn), a failed to muster the test legal marriage in NY (in New Paltz) but on October 11, 2008 for the first time in our 26 years together, Michael and I will be legally married in Agua Dulce, CA overlooking Vasqez Rocks.
It's hard for me to believe that my wedding scares people when quite honestly it is the most natural thing in the world. I don't know how my marriage can possibly affect anyone in a negative way. We have never lived in some insular gay ghetto, we have always lived in the real world which is mostly heterosexual. With all the neighbors, parishoners, coworkers, pta or pac members, parent groups, etc that have come to know us, I am not aware of one marriage that failed because of it. And that's the argument I read about all the time. How my relationship will destroy the institution of marriage (ps the institution is already hemorrhaging maybe we can help, have you thought of that). I always thought the millions of dollars spent on anti gay marriage would be better off spent on marriage encounter and workshops to support the marriages that exist but I'll save that agrument for another time as well.
Our 25 year old daughter is flying out from NJ for the wedding and it's hard for me to say what I'm more excited about, seeing her or the actual wedding. Which speaks volumes to me and this is where I want to end this.
Although we have waited 26 to be legally married, we are already married in our eyes, the eyes of our children, the eyes of our families, the eyes of our friends and in the eyes of God.
But regardless of these facts it is important that we are legally married so.........we have already saved the date, sent out the invitations, finished the centerpieces, bought new outfits (Indian for a kind of spiritual flare), planned the menu, ordered the food, figured out the photographer (our 11 year old daughter Madison), worked on writing the ceremony, picked up our marriage license, put together the music, ordered the tables and chairs, bought the material to make the table clothes and napkins, bought the lanterns and twinkle lights, bought the battery operated candles, booked flights, arranged transportation, and much much more.
Except for the cake, I forgot the cake!!
Oh well, wish me luck.
ps. I went for a cupcake tower!
Latest Activity: Oct 14, 2008 at 8:40 PM
Congratulations to you and your family!!! I always hope that the crazy right-wingers will see stories like yours and it will open their eyes.
Thank you for your kind wishes.
Proust once said "The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes."
I'm not sure that my story would open the eyes of the ignorant but it does inspire many to see for themselves! For that alone, I am truly greatful.
10 more days until the big event. It's crazy how many things are still coming together.
The amount of love and support has been beautiful as well as bountiful.
peace and love can change the world
Congratulations!!! A Family is a family, LOVE is LOVE. And between two consenting & loving adults, NO law should exisit to stop either.
Wishing you & yours all the love you so rightly deserve.
Congrats on your event and your love for each other. Right wingers can get very crazy and judgmental about this issue. I tend to ask the breeders "knowing that homosexuals have always existed what problems have they caused in society? We know homosexuals are not producing the juvenile delinquents and such… so what is the big deal?"
But I think it would be fair to say that the establishment of gay marriage has removed a right of the breeders. According to California law a breeder couple had to sue to be known as a Bride and Groom. http://www.sacbee.com/101/story/1293599....
Did the abolishment of this right bother any homosexual couples? Did they write their legislature to help out a fellow American whose rights had been abolished? Have any gays spoken out against such Christian bashing? Or do the gay just hate too much to care what happens to their sworn enemy (breeders) or are gays too egocentric to care what happens to other who are not like them or who do not share their point of view? We are all Americans.
A rose by any other name.......
Sometimes a form is just a form. I don't know why the bride or groom options were ever removed because the new application offers what now seems like the obvious solution. No one sued to remove the words bride or groom, the registrar made that decision to address the new marital option that is offered, same sex marriage, which is all about inclusion.
As for your other comments. I don't like painting any group with such a broad brush, let alone my own. So I'll share a bit of my own personal history as a gay man.
In 1997, my future legal husband and I, were allowed to jointly foster our son, Adam, in the state of NJ. When we tried to adopt him we were told we could not jointly adopt him because we were not married. To make a long story short, we sued the state of NJ on behalf of all unmarried couples (hetero as well as homo) for the right to jointly adopt children. We won our case making NJ the first state in the nation to offer children the protection of 2 legal parents, married or not.
Like the process the California registrar's office dealt with adding same sex couples to the marriage licensing, each city in NJ had to deal with adding unmarried couples (including same gender couples) to the birth certificate process.
The result: My son's birth certificate says Parent and Parent where we are each listed. My youngest daughter's says Mother and Father where I am listed as mother! Did I sue again to change that? No. I never asked that mother or father be removed and It does not matter to me in the slightest as long as I am her legal parent and recognized as such.
I do believe that it is the people that rant and rave and throw all sorts of bible quotes into the marriage debate who are the ones who will ultimately strip legal marriage down to a civil union for all. You can't have a country that insists on separation of church and state and then use their individual church teachings to justify receiving state or federal benefits. We as a gay couple are looking to be included not undo the institution. But if the "right wingers" keep barking at how marriage is a "religious" institution pretty soon (like prayer in public schools) someone will try and change it.
My husband and I rightfully addressed our religious needs at our chuch. We had a Holy Union in our church, the Episcopal Church of Atonement in 1998. It was a beautiful religious ceremony that bonded us together in the eyes of God, our families, our parishoners and the world.
On this coming Saturday, 10 years later, we will be addressing and executing our legal right to bond together. We will be Party A and Party B, two grooms, a family of two men, together for 26 years with 3 children and 2 grandchildren, who will finally be seen as equal in California.
God Bless California!
Congratulations Connecticut, as it becomes the 3rd state to legalize same sex marriage!
Today I am to finally be legally married thanks to the brave members (republican appointed no less!)of the California Supreme Court.
History is not filled with people who rose up and offered equality to anyone, it has been hard fought and WON by each group. It is clear that this is our time so stop the fighting and start the healing!
Love and peace to all!
Congratulations to you. I wish you all the happiness in the world. Not many relationships last 26 years anymore, yet you and your partner have flourished despite it. It is an amazing testament to true love, which comes in many forms. I may not know you, but I will think about you on November 4th.
I wish you another beautiful 26 years together.
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